...that fear is best handled by the one who created it.

While in the car today, my sister proceeded to tell about her hatred of clowns. She said that their make-up was stupid, that they weren't funny, and that they were just plain creepy. I've always hated clowns, but even I found this to be incredibly harsh. This got me thinking. I really thought about everything that I'm afraid of (and trust me there's a LOT), and how messed up I get whenever I think about them. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a scaredy-cat, but I am ashamed of the thing I'm about to write.

Believe it or not, I have not surrendered my fears to God.

Well, I'm sure that many people out there are probably going to be surprised to hear that. So many people see my seemingly perfect side, and to be honest, I really don't like having to say to the people I'm close to that I haven't totally surrendered. What's even more sad is that I have no excuse. I can't say that I'm just a stupid teenager who doesn't know what's good for her, because I've been paying attention in church for almost 14 years now. I can't say that I'm new at this, because I grew up in a Christian home and asked Jesus into my heart at the age of seven. And I can't say that I don't have experience living for Him, because I've already been on a mission trip and have been trying to live like He would for the same period of almost 14 years.

So what's wrong with me?

Personally, I think it's just a human nature thing. I'm not trying to defend myself- I just really think that we as humans believe that we need to just put a good face on for the rest of the world and then keep our problems and insecurities to ourselves. We are always worried about how our fellow humans see us, instead of how our Creator sees us. I know I am.

So why can't we give it all?

We are control freaks as well as perfectionists. We have to be able to control our enviornment- people actually kill themselves because they feel like they have lost all of their control over their lives. That's why teens rebel, that's why little kids want to do everything themselves, and that's why adults don't help each other out with half of what they could. We all are looking for that sense of power- we were built for power, in a sense. But that power we were built for is supposed to go to God. He's supposed to be the controller, the one who composes our lives, weaves together the threads that make us who we are. He needs control of our fears, or He can't do His job.

Believe me, I wish that I could hop up on that pedastal with God and be the co-pilot. I wish that I could just handle my fears myself and not need anyone else. But I can't. That's the way it was when this all started, that's how it's going to be right now, and spoiler alert: that's one thing that's never going to change.

Kind of stinks, doesn't it?

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. ² Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. " -Romans 12: 1-2

In other words,

I say...

to just give it all up, and see what happens. It might not get better, but you'll feel a whole lot better inside.